Ihadnorepugnancethen——whyshouldInowhave?——tothoselittle,lawless,azure-tincturedgrotesques,thatunderthenotionofmenandwomen,floatabout,uncircumscribedbyanyelement,inthatworldbeforeperspectives——achinatea-cup.
Iliketoseemyoldfriends——whomdistancecannotdiminish——figuringupintheair(sotheyappeartoouroptics)yetonterrafirmastill——sowemustincourtesyinterpretthatspeckofdeeperblue,whichthedecorousartist,topreventabsurdity,hasmadetospringupbeneaththeirsandals.
Ilovethemenwithwomensfaces,andthewomen,ifpossible,withstillmorewomanishexpressions.
HereisayoungandcourtlyMandarin,handingteatoaladyfromasalver——twomilesoff.Seehowdistanceseemstosetoffrespect!Andherethesamelady,oranother——forlikenessisidentityonteacups——issteppingintoalittlefairyboat,mooredonthehithersideofthiscalmgardenriver,withadaintymincingfoot,whichinarightangleofincidence(asanglesgoinourworld)mustinfalliblylandherinthemidstofaflowerymead——afurlongoffontheothersideofthesamestrangestream!
Fartheron——iffarornearcanhepredicatedoftheirworld——seehorses,trees,pagodas,dancingthehays.
Here——acowandrabbitcouchant,andco-extensive——soobjectsshow,seenthroughthelucidatmosphereoffineCathay.
Iwaspointingouttomycousinlastevening,overourHyson(whichweareoldfashionedenoughtodrinkunmixedstillofanafternoon)someofthesespeciosamiraculauponasetofextra-ordinaryoldbluechina(arecentpurchase)whichwewerenowforthefirsttimeusing;andcouldnothelpremarking,howfavourablecircumstanceshadbeentousoflateyears,thatwecouldaffordtopleasetheeyesometimeswithtriflesofthissort——whenapassingsentimentseemedtoover-shadethebrowsofmypanion.IamquickatdetectingthesesummercloudsinBridget.
"Iwishthegoodoldtimeswouldeagain,"shesaid,"whenwewerenotquitesorich.Idonotmean,thatIwanttobepoor;buttherewasamiddlestate"——soshewaspleasedtorambleon,——"inwhichIamsurewewereagreatdealhappier.Apurchaseisbutapurchase,nowthatyouhavemoneyenoughandtospare.Formerlyitusedtobeatriumph.Whenwecovetedacheapluxury(and,O!howmuchadoIhadtogetyoutoconsentinthosetimes!)wewereusedtohaveadebatetwoorthreedaysbefore,andtoweightheforandagainst,andthinkwhatwemightspareitoutof,andwhatsavingwecouldhitupon,thatshouldbeanequivalent.Athingwasworthbuyingthen,whenwefeltthemoneythatwepaidorit.
"Doyourememberthebrownsuit,whichyoumadetohanguponyou,tillallyourfriendscriedshameuponyou,itgrewsothread-bare——andallbecauseofthatfolioBeaumontandFletcher,whichyoudraggedhomelateatnightfromBarkersinCovent-garden?Doyourememberhowweeyeditforweeksbeforewecouldmakeupourmindstothepurchase,andhadnotetoadeterminationtillitwasneartenoclockoftheSaturdaynight,whenyousetofffromIslington,fearingyoushouldbetoolate——andwhentheoldbooksellerwithsomegrumblingopenedhisshop,andbythetwinklingtaper(forhewassettingbedwards)lightedouttherelicfromhisdustytreasuriesandwhenyouluggedithome,wishingitweretwiceascumbersome——andwhenyoupresentedittome——andwhenwewereexploringtheperfectnessofit(collatingyoucalledit——andwhileIwasrepairingsomeofthelooseleaveswithpaste,whichyourimpatiencewouldnotsuffertobelefttillday-break——wastherenopleasureinbeingapoorman?orcanthoseneatblackclotheswhichyouwearnow,andaresocarefultokeepbrushed,sincewehavebeerichandfinical,giveyouhalfthehonestvanitywithwhichyouflaunteditaboutinthatover-wornsuit——youroldcorbeau——forfourorfiveweekslongerthanyoushouldhavedone,topacifyyourconscienceforthemightysumoffifteen——orsixteenshillingswasit?——agreataffairwethoughtitthen——whichyouhadlavishedontheoldfolio.Nowyoucanaffordtobuyanybookthatpleasesyou,butIdonotseethatyoueverbringmehomeanyniceoldpurchasesnow.
"WhenyouehomewithtwentyapologiesforlayingoutalessnumberofshillingsuponthatprintafterLionardo,whichwechristenedthe`LadyBlanch;whenyoulookedatthepurchase,andthoughtofthemoney——andthoughtofthemoney,andlookedagainatthepicture——wastherenopleasureinbeingapoorman?Now,youhavenothingtodobuttowalkintoColnaghis,andbuyawildernessofLionardos.Yetdoyou?
"Then,doyourememberourpleasantwalkstoEnfield,andPottersBar,andWaltham,whenwehadaholyday——holydays,andallotherfun,aregone,nowwearerich——andthelittlehand-basketinwhichIusedtodepositourdaysfareofsavorycoldlambandsalad——andhowyouwouldpryaboutatnoon-tideforsomedecenthouse,wherewemightgoin,andproduceourstore——onlypayingforthealethatyoumustcallfor——andspeculateuponthelooksofthelandlady,andwhethershewaslikelytoallowusatable-cloth——andwishforsuchanotherhonesthostess,asIzaakWaltonhasdescribedmanyaoneonthepleasantbanksoftheLea,whenhewentafishing——andsometimestheywouldproveobligingenough,andsometimestheywouldlookgrudginglyuponus——butwehadcheerfullooksstillforoneanother,andwouldeatourplainfoodsavorily,scarcelygrudgingPiscatorhisTroutHall?Now,whenwegooutadayspleasuring,whichisseldommoreover,weridepartoftheway——andgointoafineinn,andorderthebestofdinners,neverdebatingtheexpense——which,afterall,neverhashalftherelishofthosechancecountrysnaps,whenwewereatthemercyofuncertainusage,andaprecariouswele.
"Youaretooproudtoseeaplayanywherenowbutinthepit.Doyourememberwhereitwasweusedtosit,whenwesawthebattleofHexham,andthesurrenderofCalais,andBannisterandMrs.BlandintheChildrenintheWood——whenwesqueezedoutourshillingsa-piecetositthreeorfourtimesinaseasonintheone-shillinggallery——whereyoufeltallthetimethatyououghtnottohavebroughtme——andmorestronglyIfeltobligationtoyouforhavingbroughtme——andthepleasurewasthebetterforalittleshame——andwhenthecurtaindrewup,whatcaredweforourplaceinthehouse,orwhatmattereditwhereweweresitting,whenourthoughtswerewithRosalindinArden,orwithViolaattheCourtofIllyria.Youusedtosay,thatthegallerywasthebestplaceofallforenjoyingaplaysocially——thattherelishofsuchexhibitionsmustbeinproportiontotheinfrequencyofgoing——thatthepanywemetthere,notbeingingeneralreadersofplays,wereobligedtoattendthemore,anddidattend,towhatwasgoingon,onthestage——becauseawordlostwouldhavebeenachasm,whichitwasimpossibleforthemtofillup.Withsuchreflectionsweconsoledourpridethen——andIappealtoyou,whether,asawoman,Imetgenerallywithlessattentionandacmodation,thanIhavedonesinceinmoreexpensivesituationsinthehouse?Thegettinginindeed,andthecrowdingupthoseinconvenientstaircases,wasbadenough,——buttherewasstillalawofcivilitytowomenrecognisedtoquiteasgreatanextentasweeverfoundintheotherpassage——andhowalittledifficultyovereheightenedthesnugseat,andtheplay,afterwards!Nowwecanonlypayourmoney,andwalkin.Youcannotsee,yousay,inthegalleriesnow.Iamsurewesaw,andheardtoo,wellenoughthen——butsight,andall,Ithink,isgonewithourpoverty.
"Therewaspleasureineatingstrawberries,beforetheybecamequitemon——inthefirstdishofpeas,whiletheywereyetdear——tohavethemforanicesupper,atreat.Whattreatcanwehavenow?Ifweweretotreatourselvesnow——thatis,tohavedaintiesalittleaboveourmeans,itwouldbeselfishandwicked.Itistheverylittlemorethatweallowourselvesbeyondwhattheactualpoorcangetat,thatmakeswhatIcallatreat——whentwopeoplelivingtogether,aswehavedone,nowandthenindulgethemselvesinacheapluxury,whichbothlike;whileeachapologises,andiswillingtotakebothhalvesoftheblametohissingleshare.Iseenoharminpeoplemakingmuchofthemselvesinthatsenseoftheword.Itmaygivethemahinthowtomakemuchofothers.Butnow——whatImeanbytheword——weneverdomakemuchofourselves.Nonebutthepoorcandoit.Idonotmeantheveriestpoorofall,butpersonsaswewere,justabovepoverty.
"Iknowwhatyouweregoingtosay,thatitismightypleasantattheendoftheyeartomakeallmeet——andmuchadoweusedtohaveeveryThirty-firstNightofDecembertoaccountforourexceedings——manyalongfacedidyoumakeoveryourpuzzledaccounts,andincontrivingtomakeitouthowwehadspentsomuch——orthatwehadnotspentsomuch——orthatitwasimpossibleweshouldspendsomuchnextyear——andstillwefoundourslendercapitaldecreasing——butthen,betwixtways,andprojects,andpromisesofonesortoranother,andtalkofcurtailingthischarge,anddoingwithoutthatforthefuture——andthehopethatyouthbrings,andlaughingspirits(inwhichyouwereneverpoortillnow,)wepocketedupourloss,andinconclusion,with`lustybrimmers(asyouusedtoquoteitoutofheartycheerfulMr.Cotton,asyoucalledhim),weusedtoweleinthe`ingguest.Nowwehavenoreckoningatallattheendoftheoldyear——noflatteringpromisesaboutthenewyeardoingbetterforus."
Bridgetissosparingofherspeechonmostoccasions,thatwhenshegetsintoarhetoricalvein,IamcarefulhowIinterruptit.Icouldnothelp,however,smilingatthephantomofwealthwhichherdearimaginationhadconjuredupoutofaclearineofpoor——hundredpoundsayear."Itistruewewerehappierwhenwewerepoorer,butwewerealsoyounger,mycousin.Iamafraidwemustputupwiththeexcess,forifweweretoshakethesuperfluxintothesea,weshouldnotmuchmendourselves.Thatwehadmuchtostrugglewith,aswegrewuptogether,wehavereasontobemostthankful.Itstrengthened,andknitourpactcloser.Wecouldneverhavebeenwhatwehavebeentoeachother,ifwehadalwayshadthesufficiencywhichyounowplainof.Theresistingpower——thosenaturaldilationsoftheyouthfulspirit,whichcircumstancescannotstraiten——withusarelongsincepassedaway.Competencetoageissupplementaryyouth;asorrysupplementindeed,butIfearthebestthatistobehad.Wemustridewhereweformerlywalked:livebetter,andliesofter——andshallbewisetodoso——thanwehadmeanstodointhosegoodolddaysyouspeakof.Yetcouldthosedaysreturn——couldyouandIoncemorewalkourthirtymilesa-day——couldBannisterandMrs.Blandagainbeyoung,andyouandIyoungtoseethem——couldthegoodoldoneshillinggallerydaysreturn——theyaredreams,mycousin,now——butcouldyouandIatthismoment,insteadofthisquietargument,byourwell-carpetedfire-side,sittingonthisluxurioussofa——beoncemorestrugglingupthoseinconvenientstair-cases,pushedabout,andsqueezed,andelbowedbythepoorestrabbleofpoorgalleryscramblers——couldIoncemorehearthoseanxiousshrieksofyours——andthedeliciousThankGod,wearesafe,whichalwaysfollowedwhenthetopmoststair,conquered,letinthefirstlightofthewholecheerfultheatredownbeneathus——IknownotthefathomlinethatevertouchedadescentsodeepasIwouldbewillingtoburymorewealthinthanCroesushadorthegreatJewR——issupposedtohave,topurchaseit.AndnowdojustlookatthatmerrylittleChinesewaiterholdinganumbrella,bigenoughforabed-tester,overtheheadofthatprettyinsipidhalf-Madonna-ishchitofaladyinthatverybluesummer-house."