Meanwhile, Margaret had returned into her father\"s study for a moment,to recover strength before going upstairs into her mother\"s presence.
\"Oh, my God, my God! but this is terrible. How shall I bear it? Such adeadly disease! no hope! Oh, mamma, mamma, I wish I had never goneto aunt Shaw\"s, and been all those precious years away from you! Poormamma! how much she must have borne! Oh, I pray thee, my God, thather sufferings may not be too acute, too dreadful. How shall I bear tosee them? How can I bear papa\"s agony? He must not be told yet; not allat once. It would kill him. But I won\"t lose another moment of my owndear, precious mother.\"
She ran upstairs. Dixon was not in the room. Mrs. Hale lay back in aneasy chair, with a soft white shawl wrapped around her, and a becomingcap put on, in expectation of the doctor\"s visit. Her face had a little faintcolour in it, and the very exhaustion after the examination gave it apeaceful look. Margaret was surprised to see her look so calm.
\"Why, Margaret, how strange you look! What is the matter?\" And then,as the idea stole into her mind of what was indeed the real state of thecase, she added, as if a little displeased: \"you have not been seeing Dr.
Donaldson, and asking him any questions-- have you, child?\" Margaretdid not reply--only looked wistfully towards her. Mrs. Hale becamemore displeased. \"He would not, surely, break his word to me, and\"-\"
Oh yes, mamma, he did. I made him. It was I--blame me.\"She kneltdown by her mother\"s side, and caught her hand--she would not let it go,though Mrs. Hale tried to pull it away. She kept kissing it, and the hottears she shed bathed it.
\"Margaret, it was very wrong of you. You knew I did not wish you toknow.\" But, as if tired with the contest, she left her hand in Margaret\"s
clasp, and by-and-by she returned the pressure faintly. That encouragedMargaret to speak.
\"Oh, mamma! let me be your nurse. I will learn anything Dixon canteach me. But you know I am your child, and I do think I have a right todo everything for you.\"
\"You don\"t know what you are asking,\" said Mrs. Hale, with a shudder.
\"Yes, I do. I know a great deal more than you are aware of Let me beyour nurse. Let me try, at any rate. No one has ever shall ever try sohard as I will do. It will be such a comfort, mamma.\"
\"My poor child! Well, you shall try. Do you know, Margaret, Dixon andI thought you would quite shrink from me if you knew--\"
\"Dixon thought!\" said Margaret, her lip curling. \"Dixon could not giveme credit for enough true love--for as much as herself! She thought, Isuppose, that I was one of those poor sickly women who like to lie onrose leaves, and be fanned all day; Don\"t let Dixon\"s fancies come anymore between you and me, mamma. Don\"t, please!\" implored she.
\"Don\"t be angry with Dixon,\" said Mrs. Hale, anxiously. Margaretrecovered herself.
\"No! I won\"t. I will try and be humble, and learn her ways, if you willonly let me do all I can for you. Let me be in the first place, mother--Iam greedy of that. I used to fancy you would forget me while I wasaway at aunt Shaw\"s, and cry myself to sleep at nights with that notionin my head.\"
\"And I used to think, how will Margaret bear our makeshift povertyafter the thorough comfort and luxury in Harley Street, till I have manya time been more ashamed of your seeing our contrivances at Helstonethan of any stranger finding them out.\"
\"Oh, mamma! and I did so enjoy them. They were so much moreamusing than all the jog-trot Harley Street ways. The wardrobe shelfwith handles, that served as a supper-tray on grand occasions! And theold tea-chests stuffed and covered for ottomans! I think what you callthe makeshift contrivances at dear Helstone were a charming part of thelife there.\"
\"I shall never see Helstone again, Margaret,\" said Mrs. Hale, the tearswelling up into her eyes. Margaret could not reply. Mrs. Hale went on.
\"While I was there, I was for ever wanting to leave it. Every placeseemed pleasanter. And now I shall die far away from it. I am rightlypunished.\"
\"You must not talk so,\" said Margaret, impatiently. \"He said you mightlive for years. Oh, mother! we will have you back at Helstone yet.\"
\"No never! That I must take as a just penance. But, Margaret-Frederick!\"